I’m 22, female, and from the U.S.
This blog did previously have co-owners, but they stopped coming on so I took over in November 2013. A more detailed post about this is here.
*Why wasn’t my question answered?*
I don’t know everything and I don’t have the time to answer every single question, but I do try my best. Use the submit or send me an email for longer questions so that your question isn’t sent in parts. You are much more likely to receive a response if you ask me not anonymously or through email/kik, even if it’s “I don’t know.” I very much prefer to answer “is it normal,” or “am I pregnant,” questions that way too because every time I answer one, it creates a domino effect of similar questions. Please send longer questions here. Reasons:
- It’s in the FAQ
- I didn’t receive it for whatever reason
- You sent it as fanmail, which is more difficult for me to read and respond to
- I answered a similar question recently
- Your answer isn’t clearly stated, or can’t be answered other than with “talk to them”
- It’s something you can Google on your own (ex: symptoms of a yeast infection)
- It’s something I can’t tell you (ex: how much sex will hurt, why your partner does x, certain medical things)
I am going to be honest in my responses. Am I right about everything? Of course not, but this is my blog and I’m entitled to express my opinions on it (within reason: nothing racist, sexist, etc.). I love my followers, I love helping people, but I don’t have to explain myself to people on the internet who have no idea who I am. I will block you for shitty commentary regarding me, the people who ask questions, or the people featured on here.
Please remember that I am not a professional and may not always have an answer for you. If you feel like your question isn’t going through, email or kik me and I will most likely answer:
email: mja.sf@aol dot com
*Please tell me where you’ve contacted me so I can check it!*
*If I ask a question, can you reply privately?*
Yes, I always reply privately, provided that you’re not anonymous. If you’ve sent in a text submission, I will most likely email you back so use a real email or be signed into your account. If you want me to reply privately, give me your email or turn your submit on because Tumblr has a character limit on asks.
*Why wasn’t my submission posted?*
You can submit here. Please read all the rules. To submit a picture, click where it says “text” and choose “photo” instead. Once you’ve submitted your picture and I’ve accepted it, it’ll be added to the queue and posted here in about a week. If you have any questions about if/when it’ll be posted, send me a message with a description and I’ll tell you. I mainly do this so just in case anyone has regrets, they have plenty of time to change their mind. If you want it removed, please send me the link and I’ll do that for you as soon as I get the chance. Reasons:
- I couldn’t verify your age. I do not post anyone under the age of 18 and you will be blocked if I find out this is the case. I MUST be able to verify your age and if you have any questions, please ask me off anonymous or through email/kik. This is the most common reason.
- I’ve seen it on another blog on here. I don’t see the point in posting a picture that’s already on this site.
- You didn’t read all of my rules- forgot age, submitted it as a text post, etc.
- I felt it didn’t suit my blog. I just ask for a little creativity instead of a straight up shot of your vagina or penis. Quality is important too.
- Your blog features some messed up things or triggering content and I don’t want to promote that (ex: underage girls, pictures of self-harm)
- You have a donate button on your blog. I find this incredibly tacky, with a few exceptions.
I love when people put captions in their photos, whether that’s telling me about your day, or your struggle with body confidence, it shows me the person behind the picture.
*Can you post more videos?*
Sorry, but I can’t post any videos because Tumblr will remove them. I reblog them as much as I can and link to videos at times, but that’s all I can do.
*Why do you tag pictures with POC or plus size? What about “tw”?*
It is not intended to fetishize either of those, it’s merely so that people looking for pictures that look like them can have a place for that. I realize that my blog has little diversity and I try to post a variety when possible.
"Tw" stands for trigger warning so that my followers don’t get flashbacks of a traumatic event when looking at rougher sexual images. I do what I can to make my followers feel safe, but I’m not perfect about tagging them, so it’s kind of follow me at your own risk.
If you are dealing with mental illness, self harm, eating disorders, rape, and things of that nature, I urge you to seek professional help because it can and will get better. You will get through this, and there’s a reason that you’re still here. You’re worth it. If possible, tell someone you trust so that they can go along with you as you do not have to face things alone. If you just need to talk, please let me know and I’ll make myself as available as possible to you.
*How do I make out?*
Lean in slowly for first contact, let your partner meet you, or at least, note that she/he/it is not pulling away in disgust. Keep the tongue out of the picture at first. Kiss with just your lips, not too firm but not lifeless either. Soft kisses are a good way to start.
To take regular kissing to making out, start by slightly parting your lips as you kiss. Introduce the tongue slowly. Keep it relaxed but firm (not pointy). During contact, bring your tongue to the area known as The Threshold - this is the space where your lips are and his/her lips will be when kissing, but by no means outside the realm of your mouth. Let your tongue touch your partner’s lips. You want to lick your partner’s tongue with your own. Making out is more than just sucking face with your arms dangling lifelessly at your sides. It’s much more enjoyable for everyone involved to bring your arms and hands into the mix. Hug and hold your partner, stroke their back or hair.
*My partner is bad at kissing/has a lot of saliva when we kiss.. what should I do?*
Suggest a game using an ice cube or hard candy where you have to pass it between your mouths without getting it outside. Dominate the kisses for the next few times to show them what you like and how to do it, and they should get the hang of it.
*How do I give my partner a hickey?*
Form an “O” with your lips on their body, suck on the skin, like you’re sucking it into your mouth, kiss them during it so it’s more pleasurable.
It will take a few minutes for the hickey to appear.
*How do I get rid of a hickey?*
Put a spoon in the freezer, and press it onto the hickey, use a soft toothbrush, use a warm compress to reduce swelling, wear concealer or scarves to hide them.
*There’s a sticky, white substance on my underwear - is this normal?*
Yes, this is called discharge, and is your body’s natural way of cleansing itself of bacteria. You can try wearing a thin pantyliner. Every girl discharges different amounts. There’s nothing you can really do about the amount you discharge, however, if it’s a lot, it becomes clumpy, has a foul/fishy odor, etc. you should see a doctor. Here is the difference between normal and abnormal discharge.
*What is the difference between a circumcised and an uncircumcised penis?*
A circumcised penis has had the foreskin surgically removed for personal, religious, or health reasons, usually right after birth. An uncircumcised penis has the foreskin intact. It usually retracts when he becomes aroused, though the amount varies depending on the guy. If he finds it difficult to retract, he should try using some lubricant or stretching it in the shower over the course of a few weeks. If it’s unable to retract at all, he should see a doctor.
Globally, 30% of men are circumcised. In the US, it’s more common with 55% as of 2010.
*What is average penis size?*
In most places all over the world, average penis size is between 5.5 - 6 inches (erect). When flaccid, the average penis size is 3-4 inches, and the average circumference/girth when erect is 4-5 inches.
*When does the penis stop growing?*
It depends on when the male starts puberty. Typically, when he has stopped growing in height, his penis has stopped growing as well. Their penis has usually stopped growing by the time they’ve reached adulthood.
*Does size REALLY matter?*
Size does matter, but not to the extent that you may think and not all people are even bothered by it that much. In general, women prefer thickness over length. You can have the biggest penis in the world and if you’re not attentive to your partner or only care for your own pleasure, you’re not a good lover. Likewise, if you’re of average or below average size but satisfy your partner in any way that you can, that makes a huge difference. All women are different sizes too and can accommodate a bigger or smaller penis depending on that. Have sex in positions that allow you to go deeper, like this. Be honest with your partner about your insecurity, and they’ll be able to reassure you.. Losing weight and shaving make your penis appear bigger, but there’s nothing that truly works to increase penis size, so work with what you have!
*How do I shave correctly to prevent razor burn or ingrown hairs?*
Condition the hair beforehand to soften it. Use a new razor. Wash the skin beforehand. Use a shaving cream for sensitive skin that has no alcohol. Shave downwards, or the way that the hair grows, to prevent tug and pull. Put lotion on afterwards. You could also try waxing, or an electric razor! Don’t use Nair or something similar as the chemicals are too harsh for that area and the hair down there is thicker so it won’t work very well anyway.
**Most people prefer their partner to have trimmed or shaved hair, but it is your choice**
*What’s the best way to shave? (Male)?*
*I have hair on my anus, what should I do about it?*
Ultimately, it’s your choice what you do with your body hair. You can bleach the hair using bleach meant for body hair, wax it, or use an electric razor or razor using a mirror. Using an electric razor makes it so that you won’t cut yourself.
*How do I remove hair from my breasts?*
If it’s on your nipples, it’s best to cut the hair carefully with manicure scissors. If it’s on your breasts, you may want to bleach the hair or try hair removal cream. You don’t have to do anything with the hair, the decision is yours!
*How do I get rid of an ingrown hair?*
1) Gently exfoliate the area with a scrub twice a day (a facial scrub/body, salt mixed with body wash, or crushing a few Tylenol tablets and mixing it with water).
2) Apply an acne medication that contains either benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid (I like Clean & Clear On the Spot Acne Treatment), toothpaste, or mixing an Aspirin with water to create a paste.
3) Apply a warm, wet cloth to the area for a few minutes to soften the hair and so that it’s able to be pulled out.
4) Use a sterile needle, tweezers, or a device for ingrown hairs to try to pull the hair out- don’t dig at it though. Pointy-tipped tweezers will cause the least amount of damage, as will a medical device for ingrown hairs.
5) Wash the area with warm water and a moisturizing soap.
6) Apply an antiseptic to prevent infection.
Here is a great article about ingrown hairs/shaving in general.
*How do I get rid of razor bumps?*
*What is the best way to masturbate? (Female)*
You could use a little technique called the tease to get you warmed up. You slide your fingers up and down the hood of the clitoris. Then, take your thumb and pointer finger (either hand) and grasp the clitoris in between your fingers. Gently begin rolling the clitoris in between your fingers. You can adjust the pressure and speed of the rotations to your liking. As you become wetter, you can start rubbing it with two fingers from left to right as fast as you can go. Also, you don’t have to use these techniques, as you start to masturbate more and more, you will make up your own!
*What household objects could I masturbate with? (Female)*
Markers, end of toothbrush/hairbrush, end of small bottle, traveling toothbrush holder, fruit with a condom on it (to prevent infection), etc. Make sure these objects are clean! You can hump something, such as a pillow or the arm of a couch/chair. You can use something that vibrates- the end of an electric toothbrush or an electric razor with the cap on it, a shower head aimed at your clitoris (if you aim it at your vagina, it can cause an infection), or lying underneath the faucet and allowing the water to hit you.
*Where is the g-spot? How do I reach it? (Female)*
The g-spot is located roughly 2-3 inches inside a woman’s vagina. When fingering, insert your fingers with your palm facing upward and curling them in a “come here” motion. Positions that hit it include girl on top, doggy style, and missionary. Relax, use a water-based lube, and try stimulating your clitoris at the same time. If fingering doesn’t feel great for you, it’s okay, it’s not for everyone. It doesn’t mean that sex won’t be enjoyable, the two are different.
*Can all girls squirt? How can I squirt?*
Most girls are capable of squirting, yes, but not all. It can be a thick, sticky substance, or a clear liquid that comes from the urethra. Squirting typically happens through g-spot stimulation or masturbation. Refer to this article!
*How do you know the difference between urination and ejaculation?*
Urine is obviously yellow and has a familiar odor, ejaculate is usually a clear liquid that’s mostly odorless. You know the feeling of urination, you may not feel when you ejaculate. You may feel the need to urinate prior to ejaculation. You most likely will not urinate, but it’d be a good idea to go before sexual activity just in case. If you didn’t feel the need to urinate prior to sexual activity, then you are probably about to ejaculate or orgasm.
*What is the best way to masturbate? (Male)*
Place one or both hands around your erect penis and stroke up and down along the shaft. If you need to, use some lubricant to increase pleasure. Some men enjoy encircling the head of the penis with each stroke. You could also try anal stimulation either with a finger or a toy.
*How can I find my g-spot? (male) *
Relax, stimulate yourself beforehand so you’re really aroused, use either a water-based or silicone-based lubricant (silicone-based lasts longer), and start off by stretching it with your fingers first and work your way up to anything bigger. Make sure any objects or hands are clean beforehand!
Here is a diagram.
**There are other tips for males and females here!**
*Where can I buy sex toys?*
If you’re under 18, you may be able to purchase them from Spencer’s or some drugstores carry them, but they may card you. You can also get a Visa or Amazon gift card and get it that way, or use a credit card. Typically, there is discreet packaging.
*How can I stop masturbating? How much is too much?*
As long as it isn’t causing you harm or interfering with your life or responsibilities, you can masturbate or have sex as much as you want. If you masturbate frequently, like every day or so, it may make it harder for you to orgasm with a partner. If you think that may be the case, cut back or alternate methods. If you use a vibrator, shower head, faucet, pillow etc. to masturbate, because those things are so intense, it can make it harder to orgasm by your own hand or a partner’s. If you stop using these methods for awhile (a few weeks or so), your sensitivity should return.
If you want to stop, try exercising to relieve your frustrations. Try things to get your mind off of it too- writing, reading, cleaning, yoga, going out with friends, etc. If you think you may be addicted, seek professional help.
*What does an orgasm feel like? How do I know I’ve had one*
Unfortunately I can’t answer what it will feel like for you because each woman orgasms differently. For me personally it feels, if I could put it into words, like pressure is building inside of me and threatening to burst. Just when I think I can’t take it anymore, the pressure explodes and the sweetest relief I’ve ever felt floods through my whole body. I feel happy, warm, and satisfied. This like I said is only my experience, but I hope it helps with yours!
If you have to ask, then you probably haven’t had one, but some people’s are stronger than others. Your skin may flush, your breathing can become heavier, you can make more noises and move around more, and the biggest sign is that your vaginal muscles contract during an orgasm.
*How do I have an orgasm/feel more through sex? (Female)*
It is incredibly common for women not to orgasm during sex.
Engage in more foreplay, and focus more on you during it. Positions that will stimulate your g-spot include girl on top, doggy style, and missionary. Most women can’t get off from g-spot stimulation alone, so try having him/her rub your clitoris while they’re inside of you. Try doing kegals (the muscle you pull during urination) during sex too.
*What’s the difference between cumming and having an orgasm?*
It’s a little confusing. “Cum” is ejaculation, and having an orgasm is that build-up and then release of pleasure. Usually when someone says they’re coming, they’re referring to having an orgasm. For males, they almost always happen at the same time. For females, they usually don’t. She can orgasm without ejaculating, or ejaculate without having an orgasm.
*When I’m about to orgasm, I reach this point where I just can’t continue. How can I get past it?*
Relax, avoid distractions, and focus on your breathing, pleasure, and getting yourself past that point. If you’re with a partner, communicate with them, and it may help if you masturbate just to see if you can bring yourself past that point.
*How do I orgasm more quickly?*
Try a different masturbation technique, a position that stimulates you more during sex (female- girl on top, doggy style, missionary; male- side by side/standing, tighter positions), engage in a lot more foreplay that focuses more on that partner, become aroused to the point where you can no longer take it, focus more on the tip or clitoris as they have the most nerves, eat aphrodisiac foods (here), watch porn or read erotic stories.
*What can I do to make my down there area smell/taste better?*
You can try eating acidic fruits, such as pineapples, cranberries, or any citrus fruits to make your ejaculate sweeter. It usually takes a day or two for the foods to make an affect.
You don’t need to wash your vagina as it is self-cleaning. Wash around the area with a mild soap if anything, not inside. Using feminine hygiene products, shower heads/faucets or douches can throw off the normal vaginal bacterial balance, causing infection. You can also apply scented lotion at the tops of your thighs so they smell mostly that!
Things that will make it smell worse: garlic, onions, asparagus, cigarettes, alcohol, coffee, etc.
If it’s a foul or fishy odor, you probably have an infection or bacterial vaginosis so you should see a doctor as soon as possible.
*What is the best way to give a handjob?*
1. Use lubricant, possibly a warming one as that could stimulate the feeling of being inside a vagina (warm, wet). You could also use lotion or saliva. Either way, he’ll probably prefer it wet as it makes your hand glide more easily.
2. Alternate speeds, and tease him a bit - go really fast and then suddenly slow down.
3. Focus on the tip, as it has the most nerves.
4. Pay attention to how his body is responding as well. You could try lightly playing with his testicles and the spot of skin between the testicles and anus and see if that’s pleasurable.
*What is the best way to give a blowjob?*
**If they have been with previous partners and haven’t been tested recently (though there is no HPV test for males), use a flavored condom as you are at risk for STI’s**
1. Focus on the tip: do circles or figure eights on it with your tongue while you run your hand over the base, like a HJ-BJ hybrid. If he’s uncircumcised, move the foreskin back a bit but not enough so that it’s painful, and move it. It has a lot of nerve endings- use them to your advantage!
2. Maintain a firm grip, but not hard enough so that you can’t move. Move your head in circles while sucking as hard as you can.
3. Use saliva and allow it to drip down the penis to make it lubricated.
4. Lick it like a lollipop or suck it, whichever feels better for him. Have him be vocal in what feels good.
5. Lightly touch his testicles with your fingertips, cup them in your hands, do circles with your tongue, or gently suck on them. Ask him first, though, because not all guys are into their testicles being touched!
6. Alternate speeds and depths to tease him.
7. Rub or lick the spot of skin between his testicles and his anus.
8. To prevent scraping him with your teeth, put your lips over your teeth or practice on a popsicle beforehand so you’re more confident that you won’t hurt him.
9. **This tip is only for those that like it rough**. Create the illusion of bitting down by closing your mouth ever so slightly only on the tip. This works wonders for me, but not everyone is into it and it involves being very careful.
*How can I suppress my gag reflex?*
Here! Try doing a closed fist with your left hand, put your thumb inside it. Now, try sticking your finger down your throat, it works! You can put your mouth on it as far as it will go without gagging, and use your tongue to reach the rest of his penis. You can use a desensitizing spray that they sell on sex shop sites and in sex stores too.
If it’s the taste, use a flavored condom or lubricant, that mostly depends on his diet. If you’re still having trouble, do circles/figure eights with your tongue on the tip and run a well-lubricated hand up and down the base of his penis.
*What is the best way to eat a girl out?*
**If they have been with previous partners and haven’t been tested recently, use a dental dam or a cut condom (here) as you are at risk for STI’s**
1. Don’t be too rough! Even though it’s with your tongue, it’s still a sensitive area.
2. Have her be vocal with what feels good and what doesn’t.
3. Alternate speeds.
4. Lick her vagina up and down or side to side.
5. Do circles or figure eights on her clitoris.
6. Finger her while you lick her clitoris, or lick her vagina while you rub her clitoris - whichever feels better.
7. Do the ABC’s with your tongue or hum a song.
What should I know before having sex?
Losing your virginity is something you should feel ready for. It’s your choice who you want to lose it to. Whether you’re in a relationship with that person or not, you should do what’s best for you personally. It’s special to some people, but not to others, and both are totally okay. It is a good idea to at least have your first time be with someone you feel comfortable around because a male may not last very long, a female may bleed or be in pain as the hymen stretches. Your partner should know that you’re a virgin because that helps to put your mind at ease instead of focusing on them knowing you’re a virgin and you can both be prepared. If they’re not a virgin, they do remember what it’s like and how overwhelming it can be, so they won’t judge you for it. Remember that it is your first time, so relax and enjoy yourself. It’s okay if it’s not amazing, it’s not your last time and you will get the hang of it as time goes on.
How do I know if I’m ready to be sexually active?
When you’re mature enough to obtain your own protection and use it, you’re at least 14 years old (be aware of age of consent laws in your area, if your partner is 18+ and you’re underage, it may be considered statutory rape), you’re able to handle the consequences, you know the general idea of getting pregnant and STD’s and how to prevent them, you’re at least somewhat comfortable with your partner, you don’t have any doubts about your decision, and this is a choice you’re making entirely for yourself and not because you feel rushed or pressured into it.
*What do you think the minimum age to be sexually active is?*
Ideally, people would wait as long as possible because the brain doesn’t stop developing until the person is in their twenties. Teenagers have an invincibility fable, which means that they’re impulsive and assume that bad events (such as pregnancy or STI’s) won’t happen to them. I personally think that the minimum age is 16, because I feel that’s a better age to handle the consequences and be able to make the right choice for yourself. You might be able to drive, depending on where you live, and you can at least get a minimum wage job if you keep a child.
*Where can I find a list of sex positions?*
*Do you have tips for doggy style?*
Separate your butt cheeks. As weird as that sounds, it helps to make penetration easier, as does using lubricant. Try a different position, here. These are for anal but can easily be tweaked for vaginal sex.
*Do you have tips for girl on top?*
*What’s your favorite sex position?*
Folded deck chair, and rear entry (vaginal) with a pillow under my stomach.
*How do I turn someone on?*
Start with soft pecks, and then add tongue to your kissing. Run your fingers through and lightly tug on their hair. Fondle their breasts. Grind your body into theirs. Grab their butt, shoulders, or inner thigh. Kiss and bite on their neck. Nibble on or moan in their ear. Run your hand over their down there area. Play with the waistline of their pants.
*How do I reduce the likelihood of pain or bleeding?*
Engage in a lot of foreplay so both partners are really aroused, take your time, finger your partner beforehand to stretch them out a bit, use a water-based lubricant and use it sparingly, and do it in missionary, doggy style, or girl on top so that the pain is easier to manage. Making sure you’re aroused and using lubricant also makes it less likely for her to bleed. These will also help if you’re finding penetration difficult. If a lot of blood is lost or it still won’t work/it’s still painful, see a doctor to see what’s going on.
*What kind of lubricant should I use?*
*How can I last longer? (Male)*
*What should I know about hymens?*
Hymens are a thin membrane partially covering the vaginal opening. They don’t break, they just stretch/tear and can do so from tampons, sports, fingering, etc. If you do these things prior to becoming sexually active, it can make sex hurt less. When you aren’t aroused or relaxed enough, the hymen can tear, which causes bleeding. In some cases, people have abnormal hymens, which must be removed through minor surgery, here is more information on that. Here is a former co-owner’s account of getting her septate hymen surgically removed.
*I’m ready to __, but I’m nervous. How can I fix this?*
Talk to your partner about whatever doubts or fears that you may have- not only will this help you to feel closer to them, but they should be able to provide reassurance and it’ll be something you work through together. Relax, take a deep breath, try to stay in the moment and focus on what’s going on instead of all the over-thinking going on inside your head. Engage in a lot of foreplay so you’re at ease and completely comfortable. Remember: it’s your first time, not the last time, it’s no big deal if it’s not amazing your first time. You’ll get through it, and you will get the hang of it. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
*If you have to ask if you should or not, it’s best to wait!*
*I’m insecure about my body with sex. What can I do?*
Your partner wouldn’t be having sex with you if they weren’t attracted to you. You’re hyper aware of your insecurities and perceived flaws because it’s your body, but your partner won’t see it that way. Just like you won’t be focusing on the fact that they may have acne or stretch marks, they won’t be doing that to you, either. Try to relax, and talk to them about your insecurities so you can have reassurance. Maybe have them write a note about the things they love about your personality and body for times when you’re feeling down. It is important to be confident not only so you can enjoy yourself during sex, but because it can take a toll on your relationship if you’re always down about yourself. Here are general confidence tips. If it’s interfering with your life, please seek professional help.
The way your body looks is completely normal.
*Do people care about __ (labia size, hair, stretch marks, etc.)?*
There are people that do genuinely care about things like that, but I’d say that the majority do not, or at least not enough to make it an issue sexually. If someone can’t accept your body the way it is, then they are not for you. As always, it’s important to communicate these concerns with your partner.
*How can I make my breasts bigger/firmer?*
To make them firmer, try exercising your pectoral muscles. But there’s really nothing you can do about the size/shape of your breasts aside from surgery. Your breasts can grow until you’re in your twenties and it’s mostly based on genetics. Try to focus on the parts of your body that you do love and accentuate those!
*How can I get rid of stretch marks?*
You cannot fully get rid of stretch marks, though they do tend to fade over time. Laser treatment will make them look better, but it’s expensive and more than one session is needed. Try massaging cocoa butter into them a few hours a day. Your stretch marks will fade over time, and using a self-tanner may help to conceal them. There’s nothing wrong with stretch marks, most people have them. Here are mine, here are others’.
*Is it slutty to ___?*
No, I don’t slut shame here. There’s nothing wrong with doing whatever/whoever you want, having x amount of partners, as long as you’re always being safe, it’s a decision you’re making entirely for yourself, and you’re happy with it. If you don’t feel that great about it, then take a step back to reflect on why it is you feel guilty, and what, if anything, needs to be changed.
*Am I considered a virgin if __?*
It’s your choice whether or not you choose to consider yourself a virgin. You are still a virgin if you’ve masturbated, even if your hymen stretched/tore, as that’s not a symbol of virginity. Generally, once you have vaginal intercourse (full penetration), it’s considered losing your virginity. With two males, it’s anal intercourse. With two females, it’s your first sexual experience with each other. Regardless, it is your choice to label it, and you’re considered sexually active once you’ve been with another person so please make sure you’re honest with both your doctors and your partners. In the case of non-consensual sex, generally your first time is your first consensual experience.
*My partner is a virgin, but I’m not (or vice versa). What should I do?*
Obviously, make sure that they’re ready for this and not doing it because they feel like they have to. Talk to them about this extensively beforehand so that they can address any concerns, fears, or doubts they have and you can figure out how to reassure or solve them. Remember how they’re feeling- you were inexperienced once too. Understand that they may not be amazing or even last very long, and that’s okay. Engage in a lot of foreplay so that they’re at ease and relaxed. It’s probably best for you to be on top, at least at first, so that they can get the hang of it. Initiate/dominate, go slowly, and make sure they’re okay. Reassure them and feed them plenty of compliments about how much you love them, how hot they are, how wet/hard they make you, how amazing they are, etc. Be vocal in what feels good!
*How can I get my partner to…?*
You can tell them how much it’d turn you on, but once they say no to it, you need to let it go. You shouldn’t have to convince a partner to do anything, and I’m sure there are plenty of other acts you can try that don’t make them feel uncomfortable. During any sexual act, be vocal with what feels good and what doesn’t- “faster,” “gentler,” “right there,” “I love it when you __,” etc.
*How do I make love?*
Go out on a date beforehand with just the two of you, even if it’s just a walk. Write your partner a letter- remind them of all the things you love about them and why you fell for each other in the first place. Have candles and flowers set up. Make sure that you’re alone and without distractions so that you’re able to really take the time to discover each other’s bodies. Engage in a lot of foreplay so you’re really aroused, and do it in face to face positions (here). Making love can be as passionate or as gentle as you want it to be, what matters more is the private moment you’re sharing together. The difference between making love and just having sex is how you feel towards each other and the bond you have with that person.
*What should I know before I have anal sex?*
Anal sex can be fun to try and can be pleasurable for both partners as it stimulates the other side of the female g-spot and hits the male g-spot when receiving. If you feel like you have to go to the bathroom during the day, relieve yourself of that. Use a wet paper towel beforehand if you’re concerned about messiness. It does usually hurt at first, but not always. It’s sensitive, so you want to go slowly because you can tear the skin in your anus. Use a silicone-based lubricant as it lasts longer, lubricant is very important. Use protection to prevent infection and STD’s. Enter him/her slowly and gently, and if at any point they’re uncomfortable, have them be vocal about it. Finger them beforehand so that it’s a bit stretched, and try to stimulate their penis/clitoris while you’re inside them so they get some pleasure. Here are positions. Here is more advice.
*I want to try rough sex! How would I go about doing this?*
Going rough is super fun! Be cautious though, as it’s important that it’s consensual. Have that open communication with your partner, set boundaries beforehand if necessary, have a safe word for if it gets to be too much, and there should be aftercare in the form of cuddling, kissing, praise, etc., especially for the submissive partner.
Try biting. If done right, biting can provide for some incredibly erotic pleasure. Slowly kiss and eventually start nibbling on different parts of the body. Try spanking. Approach this act in a gentle manner. Get your partner to start out by petting and rubbing your butt in a playful manner and then lightly slapping your butt, immediately returning to petting it. Get them to gradually slap your butt more often and with more intensity. For men, slapping of the butt can be a real turn on for a girl and you should try it some time! Try hair pulling. Put your hair in a ponytail or pigtails during foreplay or sex so that your man can pull on it while you are making love in the doggy position. Ask your partner to hold you down by your wrists. No matter how much you want to touch him, you can not, because he is holding you down with force. This is best expressed when he holds you up against a wall. Then he can play with you, while you can not do anything to him. If you are into more wilder things, you could try handcuffs, choking, whipping, etc.
*What can I do to spice up my sex life?*
Role play, quickies, writing each other erotic stories, restraining each other with scarves, rough sex, use of toys, Skyping/webcam sex, doing it in a new position or a change of scenery. Here are exotic positions.
*My partner and I have conflicting sex drives. What do I do?*
You should talk to them, but be gentle with how you approach it as it can be a sensitive issue to discuss. Ask them if there’s anything that’s holding them back, and try to look at it as an issue you’ll get through together. If they don’t have much of a sex drive, they could try eating aphrodisiac foods, but other than that, there’s not much they can do. Try coming to a compromise- a frequency of sex that leaves you both satisfied. If things don’t change, then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.
*Can you give me some sexting/dirty talk tips?*
Be descriptive in what you would want them to do to you/you would do to them if you were together, say how you’re masturbating to the thought of them, or removing certain articles of clothing, etc. Dirty talk suggestions are here.
Do not send pictures or have cyber sex if you are underage, it is considered child pornography.
*Can you suggest some songs to masturbate/have sex to?*
*What changes the shape/size of the vagina?*
Your vagina can get tighter when you don’t masturbate or have sex for awhile. While it won’t make too much of a difference, you can try doing kegels a few times a day to make it tighter, here. Your vaginal shape/size does not get bigger from sexual activity. Childbirth makes it larger temporarily, but the biggest factor is age.
Condoms can be purchased at your local drug store, grocery store, and even some convenience stores. You can get them for free at local clinics, your RA if you’re in college, or sometimes your school nurse has them. You do not have to be of a certain age to purchase them.
*How can I get a STI?*
You can get a STI from being with another person sexually. Not all STI’s require the transmission of fluids- some, like HPV and herpes, can be spread through direct contact with the genital area. You can get a STI from oral sex, so you should be using a flavored condom or dental dam. While not considered sexually contracted, it is possible to get a STI without ever having sex. You can be born with one through your mother, sharing needles, or getting bodily fluids in open sores. If both of you have never had previous partners or have been tested after your last partner and assuming the situations I described don’t apply to you, you should be fine. Keep in mind, though, that there is currently no test for males for HPV. Oral herpes, which is usually contracted as a child and not necessarily a STI, can be spread through oral sex as well (though it would be considered oral herpes that shows up on the genitals), here is more information. Many STI’s can remain symptom-less for awhile, so it’s important to always be using protection and to be tested regularly, which you can do confidentially at Planned Parenthood or a walk-in clinic. Here is how they do testing for each STI.
*I’ve just been diagnosed with a STI. Now what?*
First of all, it’s important to know that your STI diagnosis doesn’t change the person that you are, or your worthiness of love or a healthy sex life. You will be okay, even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. STI’s are common, especially among the 15-24 age group. You may go through a “mourning” period where you feel like no one will ever want to have sex with you again. While that’s not true, it’s normal to feel that way. The stigma against STI’s can be worse than the STI itself. Make your health your top priority, and if possible, contact anyone you’ve had sex with who may also be at risk. Many people who have STI’s are able to have great, fulfilling sex lives after diagnosis. It may help to track the tag of your specific STI, like this. It will help you to find others who are going through this same experience so you can ask them questions and find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. This YouTube channel is great for everything regarding how to tell your partner if you have an incurable STI, not allowing it to control your life, things of that nature. She has an amazing blog by the same name.
*How can I make condoms the most effective?*
Make sure they’re on properly- here. They should be tight with space at the tip to allow room for ejaculation. Check the expiration date and don’t leave them in heat, wallet, pocket etc. as this can make them more likely to break. Use spermicidal condoms for extra protection against pregnancy. Pull out prior to ejaculation. Go on some form of hormonal BC if possible.
*Are condoms still effective in water (shower, pool, ocean, hot tub, lake)?*
No, the water strips a female’s body of its natural lubrication, which can make condoms more likely to break. For that reason, you should keep lubricant (silicone-based, not water-based as it won’t last long and not oil-based as it deteriorates the latex) and extra condoms on hand. It’s not true that you cannot get pregnant in the water, so you should be using condoms unless you’re on BC and are clear of STD’s. When having sex in water, it’s even more important to urinate afterwards to prevent infection to flush out the bacteria.
*Is it safe to have sex or masturbate while she’s on her period?*
Yes, as long as you’re using protection with sex and she tries to urinate afterwards to prevent infection as she’s more prone during menstruation. While it’s unlikely, it’s not true that she cannot get pregnant while on her period. Keep a towel underneath her or have sex in the shower if you’re concerned about the mess. With masturbation, clitoral stimulation is less messy, but you can still use whatever method you like best if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
Information about forms of birth control, here.
*How can I get BC without my parents finding out?*
I do recommend talking to your parents first as they may find out and you could get into trouble with them. Tell them it’s for acne, bad cramps, heavy periods, or irregular periods if you don’t want to tell them you’re sexually active. Or, just tell them you want to be as responsible as possible and that it’s something you’ve decided you’re ready for. You do need to be honest with your doctor if they ask if you’re sexually active so they can do their job. They usually don’t let your parents go in the room with you at that time and won’t tell your parents unless something is wrong. You can make an appointment with your doctor, but if you’re on their insurance, they’ll likely find out. Your best bet is to go to Planned Parenthood or a walk-in clinic and obtaining it there for free or at a reduced cost if you don’t have insurance. If you go to any other doctors, be sure to tell them that you’re on BC as some medications can counteract it.
*Is it safe to skip your period while on BC?*
**You should talk to your doctor before doing this because with some BC, it’s not safe to do it**
It is usually safe to skip your period while on BC, it just makes you more likely to experience unwanted side effects, such as spotting. For that reason, unless you have a medical condition and your period is unbearable, I’d recommend only doing it for 3 packs in a row before getting your period. Instead of taking the inactive pills, you start a new pack and continue taking active pills with no break.
*Why don’t you recommend withdrawal as a form of BC?*
Because many young/sexually inexperienced males don’t know when they’re about to ejaculate and therefore can’t always pull out in time and while unlikely, it is possible to get pregnant from pre-ejaculate. It’s much easier to have condoms on hand than to have to worry about pregnancy.
NOTE: Pregnancy is always a possibility, only abstinence is 100% effective at preventing it.
*How do I know if I’m pregnant?*
Of course, the only way to know for sure is to take a test. The earliest you can test is one week after your missed period or two weeks after sex, whichever comes first. It’s more accurate when using the first urine of the day. The first sign of pregnancy is usually a missed period, and you likely wouldn’t experience symptoms like nausea, breast tenderness, etc. until about six weeks. The earliest you can experience symptoms is 3 weeks.
You cannot get pregnant through clothing, and while unlikely, you can get pregnant if having unprotected sex even if he doesn’t ejaculate inside or if he rubs his penis on your vagina/clitoris as pre-ejaculate can contain sperm.
*Can you get pregnant from oral, anal, or fingering?*
The only way you can get pregnant from these activities is if his pre-ejaculate/ejaculate somehow makes its way into your vagina and even then, it’s unlikely. If you don’t know how you can get pregnant, please wait to become sexually active as that’s just not safe.
Read more about your chances of pregnancy here.
*What is ovulation? How do I know when I’m ovulating?*
Ovulation is when the egg is released from the ovary in order to be fertilized for pregnancy. This is when pregnancy occurs during your menstrual cycle. It usually happens 14-17 days after your period, however, it can be irregular depending on your cycle, so it should not be relied upon as your only form of protection against pregnancy. Your most fertile time of the month lasts around 5-7 days. Some signs of ovulation are: spotting, increased discharge or cervical fluid, cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, increased sex drive.
*If I get my period, can I still be pregnant?*
No, only if you got your period within 5 days of having sex as sperm can live inside the body for up to 5 days. You may bleed regularly and it seems like a period, but here is why it’s not possible.
*Why have I missed my period?*
Your period can be missed for a number of reasons- pregnancy, hormonal imbalance, change of diet, stress, increased activity, weight loss/gain, certain medications, illness, being overweight or underweight, certain diseases, etc. It’s normal to miss one period, even while on BC (some BC stops your period completely), but if you miss two in a row and you’re normally regular, see a doctor.
*How should I insert a tampon?*
I recommend using U by Kotex or Tampax Pearl- their plastic applicators make it easier to insert. Use the smallest absorbency possible. The instructions/diagrams that come in the box are really helpful. Aim it more towards your back, if that makes sense. Your vaginal hole is right before your butt begins. Relax, stay calm, take deep breaths- if you aren’t relaxed, your body may tense up. Stand with your legs apart- squat or stand with one leg on the toilet. Use your thumb and pointer finger and grab the thicker part of the applicator. Insert it until the thicker part is completely in your vagina, and then push the skinnier part. It may feel a bit weird, but it shouldn’t hurt or cause you pain. If it does, you may not have put it in correctly. But that’s okay- don’t stress out over it, try again. You’ll get the hang of it!
Here is a video.
*I experience brown/black discharge or blood after sexual activity, what’s going on?*
Brown/black discharge is just older blood. Spotting can be a symptom of pregnancy though it generally doesn’t last as long or have as much blood lost as a period. Blood could be your hymen (especially if you’re not aroused, relaxed, or well lubricated), if you just finished your period, a side effect of BC, or just a result of stress or hormonal imbalance. If it happens every time and/or it’s a lot of blood, you should see a doctor.
*I’m experiencing cramps after sexual activity, what’s going on?*
Cramps can be just from uterine contractions, certain positions, ovulation, or hitting your cervix. But if it happens every time, it could be a sign of something more serious, so you should see a doctor.
*It’s painful to urinate after sexual activity, is that okay? (Female)*
Yes, your vagina can be rubbed raw from sex, especially if it’s rough or for a long time. Try using a water-based lubricant next time. Abstain from sex until it feels better, take a painkiller, and apply ice. However, if painful urination lasts more than that day, see a doctor as you could have a UTI.
*Why is my vagina itchy?*
It could be an irritation from soap, laundry detergent, clothing, friction (from sex), pads/tampons, shaving, etc. If it persists, though, you should see a doctor as it could be an infection.
*I found a bump on my vagina. What could it be?*
A pimple, ingrown hair, cyst, STD, etc. If it doesn’t go away, see a doctor as soon as possible.
*I feel the need to urinate during sexual activity when I have an empty bladder, what’s going on? (female)*
It may be because certain positions put pressure on your bladder, they’re stimulating your g-spot, or you’re about to orgasm or ejaculate.
*I’m having trouble with my sex drive, getting/staying wet or having an orgasm during sex. Why is this? (female)*
It could be due to medication (birth control, antidepressants), becoming used to your method of masturbation, stress, anxiety, depression, your menstrual cycle, etc. There’s nothing you can really do about it, but you can try eating aphrodisiac foods and see if that makes a difference, or see a doctor to rule out anything more serious. Talk to your partner about it, and try using a water-based lube if you’re having trouble getting wet.
*My male partner is having trouble ejaculating (premature or delayed) or staying/becoming erect. What’s going on?*
Some guys just find it difficult or impossible to ejaculate, so that may be the case. It could be from masturbating too frequently (try cutting back or using a different method). But this can be due to drugs/alcohol, stress, anxiety, depression, medication (like antidepressants), nervousness, feelings of inadequacy, etc. It’s important to communicate your frustrations with each other. But if it continues, it’s worth mentioning to his doctor.
*What is queefing? How can I prevent it?*
It’s just an air bubble that forms in your vagina, it’s very normal. There really isn’t much you can do about them aside from having him enter you slowly when you switch positions and lying on your back and pressing on your lower abdomen. Here. Try to laugh it off or just ignore it if it happens- it’s not the end of the world!
*When should I go to the gynecologist? What should I expect for my first time?*
It’s currently recommended to go at around 13-15. Your first pap smear is recommended at age 21 or 3 years after you become sexually active, whichever comes first. Here.
*What are your favorite porn sites that won’t give my computer a virus?*
*My partner watches porn. Should I be concerned?*
No, it’s nothing personal. It’s not that they aren’t attracted to you or don’t love you, porn is just a mindless, quick way for them to release their sexual frustration when they’re not around you or when they can’t have sex with you for whatever reason. If they know it bothers you and they do it anyway, that’s not okay. Try coming to a compromise with something that you are comfortable with- sexting, reading erotic stories, etc.
*I’m straight and I like to watch __ porn. Is this normal? Does this make me __?*
Yes, this is very normal. It could just be that that genre of porn is what gets you aroused and able to orgasm, and that’s fine. You may imagine yourself receiving that pleasure, or sometimes lesbian/gay porn caters more to your pleasure than straight porn, which usually focuses only on the dominant or male partner. Porn is just a mindless way to get off, it doesn’t affect your sexual orientation. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t straight - the choice to label yourself is entirely up to you.
*How do I know if I’m bisexual?*
If you think you may be attracted to the same sex only sexually, you may be bicurious (though it could be more than a curiosity) If you think you may be attracted to the same sex both romantically and sexually, you may be bisexual. You’re the only one who can label yourself, if you even want to at all. Sexual orientation can be fluid, like you may be mostly attracted to one sex, but have exceptions for the other. Sometimes it does take experimenting to figure it out, though be honest with your partner if that’s all it is. It can just take time to know for sure, and that’s fine, there’s no rush. Come out when you feel completely ready to. Maybe talk to someone who is bisexual, or join a local LGBT group.
*I’m attracted to my friend of the same sex. What can I do?*
If you know they’re straight or don’t know if they’d be interested in hooking up, then we wouldn’t recommend making a move on them because that can make your friendship extremely awkward- it should happen naturally if it’s meant to be. If you know they’re bisexual or have hooked up with them in the past, you should make a move or talk to them. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything in terms of your sexuality- your friend could just be your exception and you otherwise consider yourself straight.
*What do you think about Friends With Benefits (FWB)?*
Generally, FWB doesn’t tend to work out because one person ends up developing feelings or wanting more from the friendship. Of course, there are exceptions, but you should both talk about this extensively before going through with it- what to do if one person develops feelings, what this means for your friendship, what boundaries there are (if any), how long you expect this to go on, etc. If you have fallen for your FWB, it’s best to just be upfront and tell them, and figure out what to do from there.
*My partner has cheated, what should I do?*
The phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater,” isn’t true for everyone, it all depends on how they react. If they told you themselves, told you right away, are remorseful, and are willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, they most likely won’t do it again. If someone else had to tell you, they waited or got defensive, etc. they may do it again. Go with your gut instinct in terms of whether you think you can trust them again.
*I have a thing with/like someone and I want more. What should I do?*
You should tell them you have feelings for them. If you’ve been hanging out/hooking up for awhile, then they probably don’t want a relationship. Telling them how you feel may make things a little awkward at first, but you’ll get through it, and then you’ll at least know where their head’s at so you aren’t stuck in limbo (not able to move on, not sure if you still should go for them). If they don’t feel the same or they don’t want the same thing as you do (you want a relationship, they want to be FWB), then it’s best to move on. Don’t settle for something that you know isn’t what you truly want, you’ll likely only get hurt if you do that.
*How do I get over someone?*
Write down your feelings in a journal so you’re able to vent. Cut off contact with them, at least until you’re over them, because otherwise you’re going to hinder your ability to move on. Delete their number, hide/unfriend them from Facebook, unfollow them, etc. so that you don’t have to get constant updates on their life. Focus on your future and what makes you happy. Do things to get your mind off of it - get a job, exercise, read a book, listen to music, do puzzles, etc. Surround yourself with people that love you and will support you. It hurts, but your pain won’t last forever.
*How do I tell someone that I like them/I’m ready to have sex, etc.*
With things like this, it’s best to be upfront about it because they may not pick up on any hints you give them. “I didn’t know how to tell you this because __, but I __ and I felt like you should know. What do you think?”
*How do I talk to my partner about problems in our relationship?*
"I love you/us, but I feel like __, because __. I need you to __ in order for me to feel better about this.
If you are having problems sexually, it’s important not to place the blame entirely on them, because that’s going to cause an argument and make them feel badly. Instead, view it as an issue that you’ll get through together.
*I’m having sex/seeing someone that’s in a relationship../I’m in a relationship but seeing someone else, what should I do?*
*Assuming that neither situations are in polyamorous or open relationships*
If you’re seeing someone in a relationship, you need to tell them that you are uncomfortable in continuing to see them unless or until they break things off with their partner. More often than not, they say that they don’t like their partners or their relationship is struggling, but if that were the case, they wouldn’t be with them at all. This more than likely will not end up in your favor, so it is wrong/selfish to knowingly hurt their partner. You need to move on to someone that is available and will give you what you want.
If you are in a relationship and cheating on your partner or like someone else, you need to either break up with them or communicate the issue with them, because this is causing more trouble and hurting them. You’re not doing them any favors by staying with them when you’re being unfaithful. Even if your relationship is having trouble, you need to talk to them so you can overcome it, or end the relationship entirely. If you cheated just one time and realize that it was a mistake, you need to own up to it immediately and if they decide to forgive you, work on the problems at hand and proving to them that you’re able to earn their trust back. One mistake doesn’t make you a bad person, but you have to make things right by telling them as soon as possible.
*How can I deal with jealousy in my relationship?*
Unless your partner has given you a reason to suspect otherwise, you have to trust them. If they have an iffy past, you have to decide if you can forgive them and move past that, because a relationship won’t work if you’re constantly worried that they’re doing something wrong. Make sure they’ve taken the time to earn your trust back and let them know what they can do to help that along. If there’s someone you’re jealous of, trust their judgment, but let them know what they can do in order for you to feel more comfortable. If certain things like Tumblr or Facebook tend to make you jealous, it’s a good idea to stay away from those. I know it’s painful if they like other peoples’ photos or something like that, but it’s not really a big deal. You have to remember that they’re with you for a reason- they WANT to be. If they wanted to be with anyone else, they would be. When you’re feeling jealous, write your feelings in a journal or talk to a friend to air them out. Looking back on it, you’ll probably find that you were worried over nothing.
*My ex and I broke up but we’re still having sex. Is this a bad idea?*
Most likely, yes. Unless you can separate the emotions from sex, it’s probably going to hinder both of your abilities to move on and if they were the one who caused the break up, you may end up hurting more that that’s all it is now. If you want more than that, you should be honest with them, but let them know that you aren’t willing to wait around forever. It’s probably best to move on just because if they wanted more, it likely would’ve happened by now.
*I have to choose between two people, what should I do?*
If you’re dating one of them, it’s probably best to end the relationship because it’s not fair to them that you have feelings for or desire someone else. If one of them is an ex, you have to think about why you broke up in the first place and fix those issues before deciding to work it out. Generally, it’s best to choose the new person since if it were meant to be with an ex, it would have happened by now. If they both offer you conflicting things (one wants a relationship, one wants just FWB), then you have to decide what situation will work best for you. Try making a pros and cons list or asking friends to determine who the best match for you would be. Be honest with both of them, and give yourself at least a week or so to think it over.
*What do you think about age differences?*
When you’re both adults, it’s not really that big of a deal. It can still be an issue if you’re both at different stages of life, but as long as you embrace and acknowledge those differences and are on the same page about what you want, it should be fine. When one partner is a minor, 2-3 years is preferable because age matters more when you’re younger. However, you should be aware of the age of consent laws in your area because if one partner is 18+ and the other is underage, it can be considered statutory rape to engage in any sexual activity. For that reason, if one partner is under the age of consent, you should both wait before becoming sexually active because it can cause serious consequences for the older partner.
*What do you think about LDR (Long Distance Relationships)?*
As long as both partners put forth an equal effort to communicate as that’s even more important when you’re physically apart, it can and often does work out. They’re not for everyone, so you and your partner have to decide how you’ll deal with the distance. At some point, one of you will have to be willing to move to be with the other person. As with any other relationship, the key is communication. Make sure that you’re both living your lives, but make as much time for each other as possible, even if it’s a 5 minute phone call at the end of the day. Arrange dates on Skype once a week or whenever possible so you can have that quality time. Send care packages and letters so you have something to look forward to when you’re missing them. Count down the days until you can see them again and if possible, plan trips to visit each other. Follow blogs devoted to long distance relationships for times when you’re feeling alone. When you’re frustrated with the distance, be honest and talk to them about it - they probably feel or have felt that same way at some point. Here are ideas of things you can do “together” while you’re apart. Sexually (18+), you can read erotic stories or watch porn together, send each other stories (maybe like a game where they start one portion and you continue), sexting, or cyber sex. Do not do these if either of you are underage as it’s considered child pornography.
Where can I read erotic stories?
For stories I’ve posted, here.
Can you recommend good sex blogs?
Can you recommend blogs that post videos?
For videos I’ve posted, here.
To view videos in full screen with my current theme, start playing the video and then click on the arrows on the right side.
Can you recommend lesbian blogs?
Can you recommend gay blogs?
Any more questions? Ask them here